If anyone would like to share a Patti story or memory - humorous, serious or otherwise - please leave it in the comments or email it to me and I will post it here.
Patti's Eulogy
by Jonathan and family members
The Poet Andrew Morton said:
"The eulogy is the moment at which the deceased is brought close, and a time when he or she steps away. It is at once a greeting and a letting go."
He went on to say:…"the eulogy will start to heal us too. It will help us get things in perspective, and to understand that we cope with loss not by forgetting whomever has been taken from us, but by finding out how we can best live with our memories of them."
I am grateful for this opportunity to talk about Patti and her life in this short section of our Heavenly Father’s Plan of happiness.
I have always said I would not give a talk at the funeral of a family member, but I must have had a lapse of judgment when Tom asked me if I would speak today.
At a family get together Sunday night, someone mentioned that this service today is no longer being called a Memorial Service for Patti, but it is being called a graduation. So I am grateful to speak at Patti’s graduation.
Much of what I say today comes from Patti’s life history that she was writing using a laptop while she was in bed. I enjoyed reading and studying it to see what was important to her. A few points that stood out to me were that Patti loved to serve; she loved music; and she loved being in charge. I also realized how many times we do not know how much of an effect we have on people around us.
Patti Marilyn Boggs was born on September 9th, 1948 in Lynwood, California to Ralph and Arbalee Boggs. She is oldest of 8 children. She wrote that "Her birth certificate indicates that her father’s occupation was rabbitry. Where my father did raise rabbits, his real occupation was that he was a bookie. This being illegal, and because he collected lots of money, they would hide the money in cheese jars in the freezer. In today’s world, that would have been a bad place to hide money! The story goes that my father had a friend at the police department who tipped him off that they were going to raid the organization, and Dad got out and never went back. He started looking for a job at various newspapers as a printer and got a job at the Fresno Bee. So they moved to Fresno when Patti was around 2 years old. A little while after moving to Fresno, her parents joined the church in the old First Ward - in the Fresno Stake which at that time went from Merced to Visalia/Hanford.
Patti remembered that Sister Thompson was the organist and Brother Thompson was the chorister. I think that was an indication of things to come as music was an important part of Patti’s life.
Patti remembered a couple of years after the family joined the church that Donald J Hill was our bishop and he loaned his station wagon to us to drive to St George to the temple so we could be sealed as a family. Patti wrote : "That was quite a trip. There were six of us kids then. All the back seats were put down for the trip and boxes of our belongings were lined around the outside of the laid down seats. We sat at the boxes and used them for desks and did our homework because the trip took a week and we were missing school. (this was before the seatbelt law) This was quite fun! We stayed at the house of one of our ward member’s mother and I had to sleep with her. Her back yard was up against a mountain and we knew the mountain was full of Indians!"
One of Patti’s favorite childhood memories was the summer Mom and Dad made homemade root beer. They bottled it and stored it on shelves in the garage to age. The garage got so hot that the bottles exploded and root beer went all over the bicycles. Patti said: "I’m sure it was all over everything else in the garage, I just remember the sticky bicycles."
The summer between fifth and sixth grades, the family moved to the Tower District and lived in a big house on Englewood. Patti was very disappointed to move then because she was supposed to be the Traffic Patrol Captain that next year and was really looking forward to it! She wrote: "The power and prestige - all lost in one move!" She did get accepted into the traffic patrol at the new school, and was real embarrassed when she realized that she didn’t know the name of the streets on either side of the school. She said she learned real fast!
Patti said that "The Englewood house was perfect for our large family. There were four boys and four girls and she being the oldest had to babysit often. She wrote that the three kids directly under her were the hardest to manage. Let’s see, Suzanne, Nancy & Jonathan. Hmmm… She said the trick that worked the most often was if she would get upset and go to her room crying, they would eventually come around, apologize and then do as she had directed.
A couple of stories that were shared the other night as the family got together
The four girls (Patti & her sisters) shared a big room in the house as we were growing up. Every night, Patti would use one of those big Vaseline jars to put Vaseline on her lips before going to bed. Many nights, Suzanne would already be in bed and ask Patti if she would bring the Vaseline over to her so she could use it too. Every time, as Suzanne put her finger in the jar to get Vaseline, Patti would shove the jar up and jam Suzanne’s hand into the Vaseline.
Another time as Patti came in late from a date, Suzanne was already asleep. Patti turned on the light and was getting undressed to go to bed when Suzanne woke up. Patti told her it was time to go to seminary and she had better hurry up and get dressed. Suzanne got up and got dressed and ready to go to seminary.
Patti said her parents were always faithful in their church service and a good example to us children. Because of this we actively serve. She said she has always loved serving in the church.
My first calling was to play for primary. I attended Fresno High School which was just across the street from the Echo Building. This was before the block, so primary was on Wednesday afternoon. I just walked across the street for primary. Janice Parker was the primary president. I am continually grateful to her for her faith in my abilities. I had never accompanied anyone and was terribly nervous. This is a most common problem. For probably my first six months, my playing was terrible with lots of wrong notes and many times no notes. Because of my fear, the pages seemed to go blank . When I was finally getting a handle on myself, she then encouraged me to play the organ for prelude and postlude. She gave me a few basic organ lessons and had me start. Because of her, I have spent many years in the church playing the organ which I loved.
I had one more lesson to learn on the organ. I guess my name got out because I was called to substitute for Sacrament Meeting on the organ. The sad part was that it was always last minute, so I had no time to practice or prepare. I usually had a boy friend attending church with me, so would have to leave him to sit with my family. (darn!) To make matters worse, I usually botched up the opening hymn real bad while I was trying to get control of my nerves. I was so embarrassed that I would usually cry during the opening prayer hoping no one was looking.
I did after a couple of years get control of my nerves and have happily played the piano and organ in church. I love the power of the organ. It seems that in some wards the person who can play is abused and overused. I understand that this is sometimes a matter of supply and demand. It has been my motto to be happy in my service and be glad for my talent and ability. It’s been hard to do. In my later years, when I didn’t have children to worry about, it was easier.
I learned another big lesson from Janice Parker. One day during primary, I was sitting in the foyer of the church waiting for singing time. A very handsome young man came into the foyer from the school across the street. He asked me what I was doing there and I said, "I have to play the piano for primary." Sister Parker heard my answer and after the young man left, she very kindly instructed me that we "get" to do things in the church, not "have" to. I never forgot that lesson.
When Patti was in high school, she and her friends went to lake and took a 6 pack of beer to bleach their hair. Asked about it later, she said she was never tempted to drink it.
One of Patti’s first jobs was an operator with the phone company. It is interesting that one of Patti’s supervisors at the phone company is the landlord of the house Patti and Tom and just moved into.
Lloyd (Patti’s youngest brother) tells of how he used to dial "O" and ask for Patti. The operator would say "Which Patti?". One time Patti finally answered and Lloyd got scared and hung up. When Patti got home that night, she asked Lloyd if he had called. He of course denied it.
In July of 1969 Patti married Tim Butler and they had 5 children: Marcy, Tim, Mathew, Christopher, and Caralee.
In talking abut service, Patti said "my favorite service was as a mother. I love my children and loved being a stay at home mom. I love the challenges of organization and learning all the skills involved".
Her children said that "Mom was always cool. She was ready for a party anytime. One of their favorite dinners was Popcorn and smoothies.
Every year for many years, our family has gone camping for a week at Pismo. Louie reminded us of the time that he and Tim were down on the beach watching all the kids and were kind of bored. So they asked kids if they wanted to make money? They instructed the kids to dig a big hole in the roadway on the beach and cars would go around. Of course as the cars went around they would get stuck in the sand. The kids would offer to dig them out for $5., So a little later, (after the kids had already mde 35 dollars) the mothers came down to the beach and there were their little kids under the cars digging tem out of the sand.. Patty said to Tim and Louie: "are you guys out of your mind? You’ve been the sun to long already! Get away from there. That stopped the money making adventure but they did go out and buy pizza afterwards.
I don’t think our yearly camping trip will be the same without Patti’s scones and popcorn she always fixed for us.
Patti made jeans quilts for each of her children and some of the kids said they keep the quilt in the car, because it is great for everything. It took her about six months to make each one and she would make them while watching TV at night..
Caralee: told us that thy always loved it when Patti would play Bohemian Rhapsody on the piano and she would always play it. The children would always sing along and would ask her to play it faster, faster while they tried to keep up.
One thing I recently learned is that Patti used to play laser tag with her kids and she would always win. She would position herself in a corner where she could not be seen and wait for someone to pass by. He kids said she would always sniper you from across the room. She would kill at laser tag. .Patti’s nickname was always mother goose. After the game as they were walking down the hall, the kids said "You could always hear mom cackle and say, you don’t mess with mother goose. She was so cocky and it was perfect."
When Marcy started school I became involved in PTA. In the second year I was chairing the carnival committee and a couple years later became PTA president. I was so surprised at what the women on the board could not do. It was then I realized how many skills I had learned just through my service in the church. For this I was and am grateful, I was able to train the women on the board. It was at this time that I also became an activist! The school board was threatening to cut all the music programs in the district, so I started a letter writing campaign using the PTA as the vehicle. I contacted each PTA President and then mailed him/her a sample letter to use. I collected packages of letters from all the schools and presented them to the school board in one bankers box. I don’t know how much this helped save the program, but it was not cut.
A year later I noticed a first grader being sent home from our school who had a heat rash from his chin to his ankles. It was exceptionally hot that year before school was out and there was no air conditioning in the school. I thought about it. We have in our homes, stores, cars, but not in our schools and we expect our children to learn something? So she started a campaign with a friend Jamie Stienberg. They went to a school board meeting and got on the docket to speak. She said that after we both spoke to the board about our concerns of having no air conditioning in our school, the board president very ungraciously asked us why we should have air over some other school. Who did we think we were? So Jamie and I went home with our tails between our legs and talked about it. Of course all the schools needed air conditioning. We also did some research and came up with some real good arguments about the benefits to learning, etc. We went back the next month and spoke to the board again, this time better prepared and this time with written support from all the schools. This time the board president laughed and asked where we expected them to get the money to afford it. Each month we went back with more homework done and each month she shot us down, but we didn’t quit. We took our shots as a challenge. There was a Keith Chin (who owned Gongs Market) a board member who had been silently watching us. He approached us and said he had an idea as to how the air conditioning might be paid for. He talked with the district financial officer and they came up with a plan. Eventually a plan was made and the all the students in Fresno can thank Patti and Jamie for the air conditioning in their classes.
In July of 1991 Patti married Tom Binford and welcomed his children as her own. I don’t think Patti and Tom ever lived alone – there always seemed to be someone staying with them.
Patti leaves behind a legacy of service. She wrote: One of the saddest things of my terminal disease, was that my service abilities were lessoned as time went on. I held callings as homemaking leader,several times. This calling was quite big in that there was no manual and very little direction. I had a committee to work with me, usually women who were new in the gospel or needed fellowshipping. My motto in this calling was that on homemaking/enrichment night, my job was to provide as much information, hands on, education, ideas, etc on the subject we were covering. I always had displays of other information, handouts, etc as well as the usual classes or lectures. This meant lots of planning and usually hauling lots of "stuff" to the church each month. I loved big productions as well as felt it was my duty!
Around the same time I was also primary music director. I loved this calling because it was a "creative" job. There was no direction on how to teach a new song, only what song to teach. I was leading music in primary when the hymn, "I love to see the Temple" was new. I was so touched by its message.
My two most favorite jobs were RS President (two times) and working in the temple. I also served as RS Chorister, Ward Music Chairman, Sacrament Meeting Chorister, Organist, Pianist for all auxillaries, Choir Director, Primary President, Primary Counselor, YW personal progress leader, and MiaMaid Leader. I substituted as a teacher in primary and really loved teaching the 10-11 year old girls. That was my dream job. A job with a teachers manual!
Even after Patti thought she was unable to serve, she served others by allowing them to serve her.
Caralee her daughter wrote" She (Patti) served everyone so much. She always felt like she didn't have anything left to give others in the end, but by allowing me time to come over each day and be with her, she served me best. I needed a place to get out of the house to go to and a person to help me raise Lucas, being that Eric was gone so much. She was my refuge and my confidant and ultimately my best friend.
Suzanne her sister sent me the following: The thing that I keep hearing about Patti from everyone is how gracious she always was. Even when she was sooooo sick, and felt terrible, and didn't look her best, she was gracious and kind about everything. She delighted in anything that was done for her. Her face would light up and she would look so pleased at any little act of service or any little gift. I was so impressed with her. She did not complain, ever. She was independent to the end, until she absolutely could not do for herself. And then she handled it all with such dignity and grace.
Patti was a wife, a mother, a mother-in-law, a grandmother, a sister, and a friend to many.
I am grateful to know and understand that Patti lives on and look forward to the day when we will all be together again.
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